July 14th, 2006

Subject: myspace isnt working so... Time: 11:52 am

Rainbow accompanied J.T.T. in dropping me off at the airport. Uncomfortably quiet was the car ride that conveyed me to my destination barely a word spoken. When we arrived J.T.T. exited the car and retrieved my luggage from the trunk, shook my hand and told me he's see me next week. (he lives in new england). I made my way up to the passanger window where Rainbow was seated. An awkward moment passed and I said something stupid like "I guess this is good bye." Making it more than obvious that I was fishing for some attention from her. Rainbows Reply... "Latter"... What the fuck!?!?... "Latter"??? Wow, did she really just say that and only that? It actually took a while to wrap my brain around that one and by the time I did I found myself irrate and alone stirring around the airport. To make a already long and possibly even boring story a little shorter I'll cut out some og the bullshit and get to the end result. I said a bunch of thing that I didnt really mean, well I guess I ment them at the moment, but not so much anymore. I hit my breaking point and said alot of things in order to save face (nothing really that mean) and in the process of defending my dented pride I probably eliminated any possible shot I had at maintaining a friendship. Am I in the wrong for being verbal about how I felt? I mean if I would have just ignored it and continued being "friends" I would have felt as though I was lying to her or maybe more acurately I would have felt like I was keeping secrets because these things would be burning through my mind every time I ever saw or talked to her. Plus, with all due respect, she was being a bitch so I can completely justify my reaction... Im just ashamed that things ended the way the did. It was supposed to be the perfect week. TO BE CONTINUED>>>>

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March 18th, 2006

Subject: doomer on myspace Time: 04:21 pm

real quick i have a myspace now www.myspace.com/doomer_the_wind add me fuckers

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March 10th, 2006

Current Music: bury your fucking dead Subject: Got a new phone Time: 07:08 pm Current Mood: angry

well, im still crazy, but i have a new phone. The number 207-344-7557... In Other news i hear that everyone who actually sent me letters got them sent back, dont be discouraged, i have a new address and you can resend them. AB Day Dustin J 230 Chevalier Field Ave Pensacola, FL 32508-5112 Be sure to resend them and to write me even more. Moving on, i wish i had a girlfriend. I miss kissing cuddling and just having someone to sweet talk. Im a sap. So tell all your attractive female friends about this boy in the air force and try to set me up. Anyways everyone call and write and rest assure i miss you all a ton

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March 3rd, 2006

Subject: Florida Time: 07:31 pm

im in florida, the weather kis. I've made one friend, his name is cesar, he's ok. I saw a mental professional and i might be getting discharged, i'll know for sure by monday i think. Hope everyone is doing well, i still miss you all very much. Leave comments since im not receiving letters. Doomer

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February 20th, 2006

Subject: Florida Time: 01:43 pm

I just arrived here in pensacola, im still at the air port and will be for the next few hours. I want to go to my new base,i want to go to my new dorm and i want to sleep. Im happiest when im sleeping

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February 19th, 2006

Subject: 9103765026 Time: 11:10 am Current Mood: frustrated

I just talked to my long lost friend Ant. It was so nice talking to him. For all that know him and hate him for his lack of communication with us these past few years he has his reasons, just like we had ours to be mad at him. We came to an understanding, that we were both in the wrong and now were back on track. I miss him a whole lot and im glad he's doing well for himself. Growing up is hard for anyone and im proud of him for being able to go out on his own and start a new life. I hope we cross paths soon. P.s. the subject is his phone number, i dont have a pen and paper so i cut and pasted it so i can remember it, dont call. Today is my last day in texas, come tomorrow i'll be leaving for florida, a new begining, hopefully a better one. Everyone tells me that Pensacola is a good place to be stationed so im gonna do my best to take advantage of it. I need a change of pace. I tried getting a sell phone yesterday, but they wanted like a $500 depsosit so i said fuck that, I'll have better luck trying to get one in FL so im just gonna have to wait a few days to get one. Other than that nothing is really going on, im still sad, im still lonely, but im doing whatever i have to to get by. I miss home and i miss all of you. Take care of yourselves. Hopelessly yours -Dustin

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February 18th, 2006

Subject: lets get ready to rodeo san antonio Time: 11:37 am

I went to a rodeo last night. I slept through most of it. Willie Nelson played, that was kinda cool, though im not a big willie nelson fan. Im still bummed out and i still hate being here, that much hasnt changed, im getting more depressed by the day, but there really isnt much i can do about it. My shoulder is falling apart and my heart is having like muscle spazms, but i dont want to go to the hospital because im affraid theyre gonna keep me here longer so im gonna wait until i go to florida, if i drop dead before i get there than the good lord has other plans for me. I havnt really done much today, everyone is out on the town and i decided to stay on base. I hate seeing everyone happy with there families, im glad theyre happy, but seeing how happy they are makes me jealous. I know i say this often, but im miss home so much. I miss mike and wayne and turdy and brian and all the other fuck faces i used to take for granted. I miss my nephew probably most of all. He's started to walk and even started to say a few words. That little tyke needs a male figure around, not that im much of a role model, but im better than having nothing. At least he has my dad. Id give my heart to hug my mom right now, hold my nephew, make fun of how mike says lieberrie instead of library. Anything to instill the feeling of being home, anything to lift my heart and make me feel the slightest bit different. I dont even want to try to make the effort to try to get out of the military, i dont like feeling like a quitter, i dont think anyone does. I feel like i ran away from home in a way. I wanted to get away and start something new, now id give anything to go back and reclaim what i once had. Please continue to write me everyone, it really does mean the world to me. Anyone else who reads this, despite wheather or not we were close, please write, i need the support. Thank you everyone, i love you all so much.

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February 17th, 2006

Current Music: 80's pop love songs Subject: graduation Time: 12:23 pm Current Mood: depressed

Today is graduation, a time for joy and to finaly kick back and be happy right? Maybe for most, but not for me. Im one of four people from my flight ( a flight is 50 people) who had no family or friends attend. Imagine watching everyone around you being grabbed by the people they love the most. Everyone being hugged and kissed, everyone except me. My family couldnt make it. My dad got my hopes up, he kept telling me he's trying to make it, that he's been checking on plane tickets, but when i called him 2 nights before graduation and he told me he couldnt make it. As if life wasnt difficult enough, the one thing i had to look forward too, graduation, became the most depressing aspect of Basic training. So while everyone is out having fun with their families im here, sitting behind a computer, listening to 80's love songs play over the radio, wishing the walls would collapse around me and take my life. I truely am miserable. Im only in Texas until early monday. At 2:00 am monday morning i ship out to Florida. Thats where I'll be spending the next 10 weeks of my life. Things should be a little more relaxed there. I pray I'll be happier, because if i continue feeling the same way i feel now i dont know if i can go on doing this. I never thought id be this homesick or this lonely. We're not even allowed to talk to girls here. Im lonely to the point where im gonna marry the next girl i kiss, im serious. I want to go home so bad, but im trying to give this a chance. Not like i really have the option to go home, but if i get any worse i'll do whatever it takes to go back to maine. Im thinking the freedom that tech school offers me should break me of this spell, if not than this isnt the life for me. For everyone with questions about writting me. you can still write me, if im not here by the time the letters arrive than they'll get forwarded to me at my next station so I'll still get them. Please write, please send pictures and please have hot girls do the same.

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February 14th, 2006

Current Music: theres no music here Time: 06:27 pm

well i'll be honest, im disapointed none of you have written to me. I graduate in a few days, but who knows when im gonna be home. Just know that i miss all of you dearly and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. I've made alot of great friends here, but none compare to any one of you. Im not happy here, but i do what i can to get by. I feel this was a mistake, I definitaly joined for all the wrong reasons... or wrong reason Happy valentines day

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February 4th, 2006

Subject: basic training Time: 04:44 pm

i miss the world i know no one reads this, but if you do please write me, im miserable AB Day Dustin J 326 TRS / FLT 182 Dorm A-10 PSC #4 !015 Truemper ST Unit 941019 Lackland AFB, TX 78236 - 9419 this is an open invatation for everyone, even if you dont know me

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July 31st, 2005

Current Music: promise ring, some song i was singing today, title unknown Subject: i want to get married Time: 05:31 pm Current Mood: bored

Ama and I went to go see wedding crashers today, it was my 2nd time, but it was a good time. We went out to eat today at longhorns, we chowed down like a couple of fat kids.(sorry Erin, I was gonna give you a call, but my phone is no where to be found, If i find it tonight I'll call you.) Shes off working hard right now, which leaves me here alone with nothing to do. Tomorrow I go back home, which means that I can get back into my daily routine. Its kind of a bummer, i dont mind being here with ama so much.

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July 30th, 2005

Subject: let me bring you up to date Time: 06:10 pm

so for all of you that dont know, i joined the air force, yes its true. Unofficialy i leave october 11th or anytime there after, however i can leave as soon as sept 20th because im trying for a special ops job which is hard as hell to get and has the potential to be the most dangerous job in the air force. I already took and failed the P.A.S.T. test which is the test I need to pass in order to attain the special forces job. It consists of swimming the legth of an olympic sized swimming pool under water with one breath, freestyle swimming 500 meeters (5 football fields) in 15 minutes (which is where i failed) run a mile and a half in 11 minutes, 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, 8 chin ups and 50 flutter kicks all in alloted amounts of time, it doesnt sound that hard, but it really kicks your ass. I'll get it before i leave. Im supposed to be at posi numbers right now, but stopped short of pennsylvania and landed in Boston so I could spend time with ama, which to me is way more important. It wasnt worth dropping what little spending money I have to see a bunch of great bands when the other option was seeing the greatest girl in the world. Shes at work right now, so im plugging away on the computer making up for lost time. I leave monday for auburn, which im not looking forward to, I like being here and seeing her, shes the best thing ever. It eats me alive knowing that we're not together in the boyfriend girlfriend way, but I only have so much time left here that I can actualy spend with her and if I had it my way id waste away my remaining days here. Im in a bad way. Anyways off the subject of girls who own my heart, i've been trying to leave the state as much as possible before leaving for the service. I spent a few great days with a few great dudes in seattle. We attended the stay gold reunion show (which was amazing) and also caught a mental / justice show in olympia (god bless justice) Days spent at home have been pretty uneventful, my daily routine usualy consist of waking up at 5:30, taking a shower, running 4 miles, going to work, coming home, working out, take another shower, write in my diary, play a game of blitz and go to bed, wake up and do it all again. So if anyone wants to be my friend and hang out with me feel free to call (740-4229) leave a message if i dont pick up, im usualy out of work at 3:30. In other news, moosejaw records is looking pretty good, our first release should be in any day and they should be ready to go in just a week or so. Its very exciting.... Anyways, im gonna go spruce up the girls apartment, hurricaine ama/kate hit it pretty hard and i know theyd appreciate a clean home. -The Dustin

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June 20th, 2005

Current Music: i'll be gone soon enough Subject: "things could always be worse" Time: 12:45 am Current Mood: cheerful

must be easy to say when youre not the one going to bed everynight wishing you werent such a fuck up. no one reads this

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April 29th, 2005

Current Music: get up kids Subject: dying Time: 10:23 pm

i have a hernia in my leg, or even better, right next to my testicle, i can afford to go to the hospital, so im not gonna go. Im just gonna let my intestines spill onto the floor. Dustin

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April 23rd, 2005

Current Music: What else would i be listening to but blood for blood Subject: Big News!!! Time: 08:49 pm Current Mood: lonely

Hey everyone!!! Guess What everyon!!! Ama and I are engaged!!!......... Just kidding, we broke up "Sometimes I wish I could just turn my back and run, just turn my back and run away"

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April 13th, 2005

Current Music: in pieces "the anchor" Subject: unhappy Time: 09:32 pm Current Mood: scared

my life is incomplete, this is the worst kind of feeling. We made a promise to each other in the begining, I wish you would have honored it.... 2 years and so much more... gone? I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die, I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die,I want to die. -Dustin

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April 11th, 2005

Current Music: black panther party Subject: i miss you Time: 08:22 pm

just writting to say that I look at your picture before i close my eyes everynight and its faced towards me so it can watch me sleep. I miss you very much and hope that you dont continue to neglect my home phone number. I miss you ama Dustron

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March 23rd, 2005

Current Music: pitboss 2000 Subject: mr fix it is dead Time: 10:50 pm Current Mood: cheerful

My neighbor died, makes me sad. We called him mr fix it when we were kids. My computer is broken, dont count on seeing me online anytime soon. I ate 2 1/2lb tacos and half a chocolate cake and i think the boys are bringing some pizza over to mikes, i feel fat, but i love it. I cant find my underwear, so i dont think i'll have a costume to the dance party. Im hanging out with all the boys from moosejaw (tal, mike, bryan) plus stefan, eric and ben, tals bro. hanging out with cool dudes makes me happy. Things are getting exciting with the lable, expect alot of sweet ass releases coming out soon on moosejaw! Alot of great bands are interested and things are really falling into place, im so excited.

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Current Music: Burning down the house Subject: we didnt start the fire Time: 01:30 am Current Mood: terdariffic

i saw a fire tonight

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March 20th, 2005

Current Music: young and the useless - "Breaking one beat at a time" Subject: conceited Time: 11:48 am Current Mood: crushed

The reacurring theme in my life this past week has been that im conceited. Alot of friends have brought this to my attention. Im sorry, more than half the time im joking, other times i really truely think highly of myself. I feel i have good reason to feel good about myself and i think all of my friends should feel good about themselves as well. everyone has something going for them in my eyes that they should be proud of, for example, i think im an attractive guy, ive lost over 50lbs since last winter and am in the best shape ive been in for a very long time, i have a beautiful girlfriend that loves me very much and i have an extensive list of the best friends a guy could ask for. So sorry for feeling good about myself. I dont think anything hurts more than having a good friend tell you "Youre not so great" 3 friends have told me this in a weeks time. Right now the circle of friends feels like its falling apart.

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